The Avengers of Earth
by niveus incendia
Summary: Following a crisis caused by the dastardly Tak; Invader Zim, Dib, and Gaz, take to the stars in order to exact their revenge on their nemeses. No romance whatsoever, rated T for Gaz-induced violence, and the occasional Zim spasm.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer of strange: I don't own this show, obviously. If I did, I wouldn't be posting this story up on since this is a site for fiction from fans.

* * *

"I hate your ship, Zim."

It was only the hundredth time that he'd said so, too. "I hate the smell of human filth, of which you reek," I retorted, feeling somewhat confident in my clever response. "You're making my ship, which is comprised of superior Irken technology, smell like a human meat sack." Making fun of Dib's stink was improving my mood somewhat, but he decided to offer me one of his long, _irritating_, sighs instead of just dropping dead.

"Why don't you ever make fun of Gaz's stink?" he inquired, and I, instead of answering, decided to wait for the inevitable smacking noise, which arrived about two seconds after Dib had voiced his insensitive comment. "Ow!" was his complaint, registered to the deaf ears of his sister. She wasn't listening to him, of course, excepting those times when he decided to make too much of a fuss, or insulted her personally.

"You, Dib filth," I said, deciding to explain my actions to him, "are an evolved monkey. You have a freakishly large head, eyes that require special seeing devices, and your brain does not function properly. Gaz, on the other hand, is terrifying, and I wish to honor that by not insulting her, lest she poke _another_ one of my eyes out. They take a very long time to grow back, you know."

Because of the reflective mirror resting on my dashboard, I was able to confidently watch Dib's reaction, which only proceeded to boost both my ego, and my mood. I also espied Gaz, who glanced up, with her squinting eyes, before giving me an approving nod. "Zim is right, you know," she said, deciding to punch Dib in the arm as if to accentuate her words. "I don't hate to say it, but I can," another punch, "and _will_," a smack this time, with the back of her bony hand, "hurt you if you insult me."

She promptly returned to her video game, which I was sure would soon run out of Earth's energy juice packets. Dib decided to sulk, and he folded his spindly arms across his chest as he leaned backwards. He didn't meet my eyes as he looked out into space, and muttered (in what he must have thought was under his breath), "Stupid ship. Stupid Zim. Stupid…"

I noticed, cleverly, that he managed to catch himself before mentioning that Gaz was stupid, and I also noticed Gaz's eyebrow raising as if she was anticipating the chance to throw another deadly punch. While Gaz had been a strong individual as a child, she was at least twice as strong now that she was a headstrong teenaged sort of being, and I tried to take special care to avoid her as often as I could.

**A/N: I know. Short and foolish. But prologues often are, and I do hope that my next chapter will not reek of suckedness.  
It doesn't matter whether you comment on this, but I suppose it might be interesting to know if people hate it.  
Of course, that won't stop me from continuing, but maybe I'll ask some advice from people who decide to 'review', as they call it.**

**And, just to avoid questions that may possibly be coming, there will be no romance concerning canon characters in this story mine. I know some of you are diehard ZIM/DIB fans, but I am not sorry to disappoint you, because I for one am not a crewmember on that particular ship.**

**Turrah,  
niveus incendia**


	2. Chapter One

Disclaimer of strange: I don't own this show, obviously. If I did, I wouldn't be posting this story up on since this is a site for fiction from fans.

**(oh, and btb, this idea is copyrighted to me, on account of me being super awesome)**

* * *

My fingers tapped furiously on the old-fashioned keyboard as I attempted to regain control over my base's mainframe.

"COMPUTER," I barked, and my eyes narrowed as they focused on the large and silvery screen. Perhaps if I repeated my command, the computer would magically flare to life. "COMPUTER."

There was no response, and I allowed myself to smash my fist onto the desk in a crude display of some sort of earthen frustration. It hurt, but I did it once more, just for good measure. Then, I picked up the headpiece sitting on my desk and gingerly placed it over my ears. I was not sure whether it would function properly, being an antique compared to my superior Irken technology. I could very nearly feel the radiation emitting from the slimy earpieces, and winced at the thought of those dreadfully harmful waves. "DIB MONKEY," I yelled, not because I was angry of course (we Irkens are far too superior a race to feel such primitive emotions as _anger_), but because it felt good to yell at someone.

"_Zim, you don't have to yell._" The headpiece crackled as Dib's voice came through, and I yelped in horror. After flinging the headpiece onto the floor and assuming a defensive sort of stance, I heard Dib's voice coming through the earpieces. "_Zim, there is seriously something wrong with you. You could have broken my eardrums__, you know._"

I immediately straightened up, and examined what would be nails (if I were a filthy human, of course), before clearing my throat. "Ah, eardrums. I had forgotten what those were," I said, obviously lying through my teeth, since I was intelligent beyond belief. "It is probably because we _Irkens_ don't have…_eardrums_. We don't have to rely on foolishly useless body parts such as those. Like a liver. What does that even do, anyways? At any rate, I did not know what to do with your disgusting piece of metal, since I do not possess ear holes. They make your race far too vulnerable, _Dib_."

I heard a sigh that made the headphones crackle, and made me wince. "_Whatever, Zim. Just do what I say, and we should be able to get your computer back from…from __**her.**_"

An involuntary shiver passed down my back, and I pointed menacingly at the headphones. "DO NOT SAY HER NAME IN FRONT OF **ZIM**! She is not to be trusted, Dib. She will do anything in her power, AND OH THAT POWER IS GREAT, to hurt both you and me. Yes, Dib. I said both of us."

There was another sigh, before Dib's voice rang through. "_Zim, I didn't say her name.I could, but I won't, since I am obviously a better person than you. And I kind of realized that she wants to destroy us both. Remember when you came to my house, and she came too, and said that she wanted both of our heads? Well, it was just a bit obvious around that time, Zim.  
__And another thing. I don't think that you assembled your headphones correctly. Your voice is coming through all…crackly._"

"IT IS THE TECHNOLOGY," I bellowed, and could have sworn that Dib was shaking his head. "What is that, Dib? You wish for HER to destroy your planet? WELL FINE THEN. I will just have to leave you here to her tiny, menacing claws."

There was no sound from the other side of the headphones, and I, after a moment's hesitation, approached them with great caution. "Dib? Monkey?" I sighed. "Meat sack? Filthy scum? Zim's underling?"

The doorbell rang, and I looked up (up being the general direction in which the door was located).

So the Earth filth had left his post, had he? He was coming to my house to berate me for not using his stupid ear-majigs properly? Well, I was surely going to show him, wasn't I? All I had to do was to march right up my ladder, push away a few floor tiles, and kick down a door before I could get into the living room.

"What is it already?" I asked, to nobody in particular, and finally made it to the door, despite the debris that threatened my progress. "TAKE THAT, YOU COUCH!" I yelled in triumph, just as the door creaked open. I whirled around, trying to affix something _other_ than a look of surprise on my face. I settled for a sort of dark brooding and raised my eyebrow to heighten the effect.

* * *

Gaz had begun to notice that she grumbled quite a lot recently. She grumbled when Dib asked her to help him save the world. She grumbled when he showed her proof, and she grumbled when _she_ decided to conquer the makers of Game Slave (and, of course, Game Slave 2) in order to help their cause against _her_. She grumbled while she helped Dib on his quest to free the Earth from the clutches of a maniacal alien force, and she was grumbling especially incoherently on this fine and sunny day, when Dib had told her to go off and show Zim her message.

She rang the doorbell (which could barely be considered a doorbell anymore; it was just hanging by a wire), after easily skirting the now-headless gnomes in the front yard, and the tree that was so inelegantly strewn on the lawn in a manner unbecoming to its species. There was silence around this place, something that Gaz enjoyed, but it was all too soon broken by the sound of someone (Zim) shouting something about a couch. Gaz heaved a sigh, and reached her hand up to knock on the decaying door when it creaked open of its own accord.

Zim was obviously surprised, while Gaz most certainly was not. In order to mirror his somewhat predictable expression, she herself raised an eyebrow, and held up her Game Slave (the first edition: now converted into a sort of message relayer). "I recorded it," she said, noticing how Zim's eyes widened at the image frozen on the screen.

It was an image of Invader Tak's dreadful and smirking face.

* * *

My eyes narrowed further as I caught sight of the evildoer's visage, although they could have been narrowing at the slightly ape-like technology on which the horrible face was being displayed. It took me several moments, however, to realize that the Earthling in front of me was _not_, in fact, Dib, and that it was Gaz, who was not Dib, not at all. I decided to voice these thoughts out loud.

"You are not Dib," I stated, as scientifically as I possibly could. "You are, in fact, Gaz, which means you are not, in fact, Dib, not at all."

Gaz looked as if she was about to hurl her fist in my general direction, and in order to avoid such a calamity, I held up both of my hands in an Earth-inspired gesture of peace. "What I mean to say is that you are not Dib, and therefore, something happened to Dib, because he was not at the headset when I came to the door which required some assistance in being answered."

The fist-hurling expression on Gaz's face disappeared (somewhat), and she pointed towards the Game Slave. "You need to hear this, Zim. And I've already listened to it. You're going to want to listen to this as we leave, at all possible, in your ship."

"Why is that, _Gaz_?" I asked, putting a special emphasis on her name, since she was standing in front of me. "Why do we need to get to my ship, as soon as possible? I must fix my computer as soon as possible, that's what I need to do."

"She's sending some sort of a bomb. So get in your ship, Zim, and take me with you, unless you want me to hunt you down and chop off your tiny, green head."

After a mere moment of speculation on the matter, I nodded, and led the way towards my ship. It was the same piece of Irken junk that it had been for years, but it would get us up into the air.

"Show me the tape," I said, the moment we were both inside, and buckled up. Due to our superior sizes, we were bent over a bit, but it would not be for too long. As I skillfully operated the controls, the small ship lifted into the air, bringing both of us with it.

The message on the tape was absolutely awful. It started off with a mechanical sort of laughter that hurt my brain. Gaz directed me to where I was to land, which was inside the garage of the terrible duo's home. They had elected to purchase it from their father, and he had elected to move into the Hawaiian Islands in order to soak up some sun. I was uncertain, however, as to how much sun it was possible for him to soak up with that high collar of his.

The laughter, at any rate, continued for several minutes, during which time we trotted our way down into Dib's secret laboratory. Finally, once we were all seated behind Dib's chair (which was currently unoccupied), Tak began to speak.

"_I hope, Zim, that you chose to disregard the Earth girl's advice, and decided to stick around your 'base', if you can __still __call it that_"

I was scowling by this point, I was certain. Tak was taunting me, and trying to get me to take the bait, or something of the sort. She had even paused in the video to allow me to have time to think these thoughts. When she started speaking again, her mouth's movement wiping out her malicious grin, I was only slightly fearful as to what would happen next.

"_Surely, if you are flying around, or sitting in your base, I can simply offer you a quick farewell.__ But I don't believe that will happen, so I will simply have to send you another transmission__ after this one is finished, Zim._

_You see, __I am going to blow up your base._"

I froze as the transmission ended, my eyes wide at the implications of her sentence. Blow up my base? This meant that all of my worldly possessions would be obliterated. Of course, most of them had been transferred to the relative safety of Dib's house ages ago, but this meant that I would not have the sheltered remains of my broken base to cower under any longer. I was going to have to either face her, live in hiding for eternity, or flee this planet for good.

And as I am by no means a coward, I decided that I would have to face her. But with her superior technology, what was there for me to do? How could I win back this planet that I had claimed as mine?

There was, as it seemed, no way whatsoever.

In order to properly convey the despair that I was obviously not feeling, since Irkens do not possess emotions, I leaned back in my chair, and said not a word. I vaguely heard Gaz's voice, which was saying something along the lines of "Zim", although she could have been saying "Vim", which I've been told is a cleaning device. I chose to assume that she meant me, which of course she would: nobody should want to talk about anything _but_ me.

"Yes, Earthling?" I said, before noticing that my voice was somewhat distant and quiet. In order to keep up a façade of normalcy, I cleared my throat, and stiffened my back so as to appear to be sitting up straight in my chair. "I mean…Filth?" I said, and caught an eye roll from Gaz. "Do not roll your eyes at me!" I exclaimed, and leaped to my feet just as Dib walked in.

"Zim? Are you alright? You…aw, Gaz, you were supposed to bring the headset with you!" He slumped down in his chair, apparently very tired (hah, humans and their sleep cycles), and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Now we're going to have to find another one."

"Or you could shut up," Gaz grumbled, holding up her Game Slave. "Little Miss Muffet is sending us another transmission. I have a feeling this one's going to be even worse than the last one."

I quickly scrambled into a chair as Dib leaned forward in his. "Play it, then," he said, a tone of anxiety apparent in his voice.

Gaz pressed the secret button (the A button, in fact), and after a moment of static, Tak's hideous face materialized on the screen. She did the laughing thing once more, before clearing her throat.

_"Anyways, _Zim_, and Earth Filth, you are about to see the destruction of Zim's already hideous base. There will be no stopping this, and you won't be getting any of your things back either, _Zim_. So sorry about that."_

She laughed again, and I ground my teeth together. How _dare_ she insult me in such a way? I was a far superior Irken to her, nearly literally, since I had grown since we had last met. There was something in the Earth's atmosphere, I suspected, that prompted a growth as quick as that of the humans. I had, after several years of such growth, begun to wonder whether the Tallest had stationed themselves on Earth in order to grow.

Such thoughts, of course, were not to occupy my mind on that fateful night: the night when Tak decided to erase my base from the surface of the Earth.

* * *

**A/N: Well. This is Chapter One, which follows the Prologue in some disjointed action.**

**I suppose you're going to get to see some explosions in the next chapter, unless I decide to go even farther back in time, which is what this chapter is all about, in case you didn't get that. Apparently someone actually decided to review the Prologue, which was pretty snazzy.**

**BTB means By The By.**

**So I suppose I'll give a shout-out to alice is still in wonderland. Oh, to have known me before I become puffed up with fame. Which won't happen, but hey, a girl can dream, eh?**

**I suspect that I cannot stop you from reviewing, but don't bother telling me that I suckzor because there isn'tZADR in this fic, nor is there ZAGR. Tak may or may not be vanquished, and I suppose we'll just have to see on that one,eh?**

**EDIT: I edited this? Yes. Why? Because I found a Beta-reader who gives me both compliments, and insults, and generally improves this fic. You thought that wasn't possible, didn't you. Well, it is, because she just made the story better.**

**That's the way the cookie crumbles, then. Until the next time I transmit,  
niveus incendia**


	3. Chapter Two

Disclaimer of strange: I don't own this show, obviously. If I did, I wouldn't be posting this story up on since this is a site for fiction from fans.

**(oh, and btb, this idea is copyrighted to me, on account of me being super awesome)

* * *

**Dib actually looked frightened, Gaz noticed (with a hint of glee) as she hid in the shadows cast by the doorframe. Zim, in a display of some sort of raw emotion, had grabbed him by the collar, and had shoved him up against the wall.

Of course, all of this had happened for a reason.

* * *

"_Now, you all sit back and watch, as I use my technologically advanced missiles to destroy your precious base, Zim._"

My teeth ground together in what could either be construed as a baser form of anger, or a sort of frustration. Of course, it could only be construed as this, as I did not feel these apelike emotions.

"What the hell are you doing, Tak?" I asked, my voice calm. I was, most certainly, not calm on the inside, but I did a fantastic job of maintaining a cool exterior.

Tak's face twisted on the screen, and I glowed slightly with triumph.

After a moment, however, she calmed herself, and then offered me a cold smirk. I reciprocated, before she cleared her throat with a whiny 'A-hemm'.

"_I do not need to exchange such pleasantries with you, _Zim_. You've caused me enough trouble as it is, and I'm just going to pay you back for that now._"

And with that, she pressed a button on her control panel, and flicked the switch that detonated the missiles. I leaped to my feet, approaching the screen, and stricken with some baser sort of Earth emotion. No! Irkens do not feel. There is no feeling, only a sort of hollow emptiness where the knowledge of my home and base used to be.

I turned my face away as orange fire engulfed my haven, and I felt as if I were crawling in shame and destitution. I, a superior Irken, had been defeated. I, Zim, who had once nearly destroyed this earth, had gotten my base blown to pieces in my very presence.

I sat down, weakly, on the couch, feeling as if I were in a daze. Nothing was real; my base was surely not gone, because this was just a dream, just an illusion. Floating bits of oxygen told me to hope, and I turned to glance at the faces of those who had once been my enemies, and who were now my allies.

What I saw in their eyes crushed that hope, and I turned my own eyes to face the floor. An involuntary shiver passed through me, and I closed my eyes. It seemed like there was too much; too much living, too much defeat, too much cold.

I heard Gaz get up and leave, but I didn't move, didn't open my eyes.

"Now what?"

Dib had broken the silence; his words were like the slicing motion of a sword.

I winced, and Dib cleared his throat. "We can't just give up, Zim. Earth is at stake. The future of the human race is at stake. Tak is still out there, still -"

I sat up straight, and met his eyes squarely. "Still what, _Dib_? Still out there, destroying my base? Destroying _my_ home? And you want me to help you save yours? When mine is burning, nothing but ashes and molten metal now? What sort of fairness is that? Don't I deserve the same sort of happiness that you have? Sure, it's a primitive emotion, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't get the chance to shun it."

Dib snorted. "You, choose not to feel? Right, Zim. You can't feel. That's what you've told us, over and over again."

"Well, I thought I couldn't grow either, didn't I? I sure proved me wrong."

At this, the filth laughed. He laughed, and at my predicament. Dib laughed _at me_, something that I hadn't heard for ages.

Furious now, I rose to my feet, my hands curled up into fists. "You dare to laugh at me, Dib?" I reached a hand forward to snatch the collar of his shirt so that I could pull him close. He needed to see the anger in my eyes, the pain that Earth had made me feel. He needed to feel my breath on his face, to see my snarl up close.

"You don't seem to appreciate just how nice I am to you and your sister, Dib. Sure, I'm nice to her because she's frightening beyond all reasonable belief. But you know what? Earth, your filthy, stinking ball of mud that you like to call a planet, has changed me. I'm not truly Irken anymore; I'm something else, something mutated. I'm not normal anymore, Dib. And it's all because of your dumb, forsaken planet.

"Your stupid, forlorn planet isn't even on the Irken charts, _Dib_. Nobody cares about saving it, because it isn't worth saving. And this desolate chunk of rock, a place where I shouldn't even _be_, is making me something I'm not. It's been doing that ever since I landed here, Dib, and let me tell you this. I am not amused."

I realized, all of a sudden, that Dib looked afraid. He wasn't smug, angry, or sad; he was afraid…of me?

"You," he started, eyes wide as his hands scrabbled to find purchase behind him. I was an inch or two taller than he was (hurrah, superiority!), and as such, holding him up to my face ensured that his feet couldn't be entirely on the floor. "You _are_ going to help us…aren't you, Zim?"

His voice was trembling, and foolishly, foolishly afraid. I stopped for a moment, letting him drop back to the floor, although I didn't remove my hand from his shirt just yet. "Help you?" I muttered, eyes narrowed to slits as I pondered this. It was true that Dib and Gaz had taken me in, had treated me as an equal, as (and I shudder to say it) a friend. It was true that right now, they were sheltering me in their base, something which they didn't have to be doing. They were putting themselves in danger, danger from Tak, and all to help me.

And they didn't even know if I would actually help them.

I stepped back a pace, the realization of the depth of their confidence in me only just sinking in. They trusted me, an alien, enough to invite me into their home, and shelter me in the depths of the Earth. It wasn't just this, either. I had once had in mind the desire to destroy their happy-go-lucky planet. They didn't even know if I was going to turn around and destroy the planet myself, as soon as it was out of Tak's dastardly hands.

So, I paused for a moment, searching Dib's human, yet alien face.

My eyes narrowed as I made my decision in a snap. "Of course I'll help you, foolish human," I said, my voice almost as snappish as my decision. "You doubted me? _**Zim**? How dare you?! This insolence will not go unheeded, I tell you, but I ensure you that the total destruction of Tak must come before your punishment." I shook a hand at Dib, before folding my arms across my chest, and sticking my (would be) nosef in the air._

Dib, I could tell, was running a hand through his infernally black hair. Eugh. I eyed him, and he chuckled nervously. "I guess I was just…never mind. Anyways, what're we going to do about this entire situation?"

"Well, we can't stay here," I said, stroking my chin thoughtfully, and I decided that a bit of pacing was in order. To get the full effect, of course, I clasped my hands together behind my back, and bent my head and spine a little so that I would appear to be some sort of scientist. Mad, or not: it was at least a bit of good fun.

"Well," Gaz said, and both Dib and I looked up in surprise. "We can't stay here anymore."

Dib's mouth dropped open. My eyes just narrowed in thought, and I glanced at the Dib with an eyebrow raised as he began to protest. "But where will we go, Gaz? I mean, there aren't any other planets that support human life, you know."

Gaz shook her head. "Our technology isn't advanced enough. What we are going to do, boys, is escape. We'll take Zim's ship, and go into the Irken fleet, and take what equipment we need."

"Now, hold on just a minute," I said, a finger in the air. "We can't just 'sneak aboard the Irken fleet', Gaz. They have technology too, and I'm a banished and exiled non-invader. How would we get aboard the fleets, let alone steal equipment?"

Gaz pointed to the couch. "Sit."

We did as we were bid, and I, at least, listened somewhat intently to what Gaz was saying.

"Tak has some technology, but she's an exile, just like you, Zim. What we need to do, is sneak aboard her ship first. She has those suits that keep you folk alive in space, and we need three of them. Yours is ancient."

There was no arguing that point, so I just let her continue.

"To do that, we are going to need a diversion. Something that will distract Tak so much that she'll not notice missing weaponry, suits, and, if at all possible, a ship."

This point, however, was debatable.

"Steal…steal a ship? A ship, Gaz? How the hell are we going to do that? It isn't like she has a…"

Gaz nodded. "She has more than one ship. I've seen the base thing she uses, and she has at least four. We need just one. It'll be hell to get, but, if we have that, then we'll be well on our way."

"But she'll notice," I said. "She'll notice that we took a ship, and she'll notice that we're gone."

"Can't your ships create bases, Zim?" Gaz asked, and my eyes widened. "Oh…I mean, of course. I thought of that. It isn't just something brilliant that you just figured out just now."

Damnit. What a brilliant thing that she just figured out just now.

I cleared my throat, to dispel the illusion of my not-so-much-intelligent intelligence. I mean, brilliance.

"I'm in."

Gaz laughed. "Zim, you haven't even heard what I need you and Dib to do."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Wait. Does it involve punching Dib? Throwing him to ravenously rabid dogs? Or rabbits, to continue with the alliteration?"

Gaz grimaced. "No rabid anything, Zim. And no, it doesn't involve you punching him. It is rather the opposite, I dare say."

"No way am I going to let that piece of insubordinate filth touch my precious Irken face!" I exclaimed, leaping to my feet. I was pointing at Dib, who had quite the smirk on his face. "I'm in," I heard him say, and my eye twitched. "I'm not doing something like this! It's degrading, Gaz! It's horrible. It's not human of you to suggest something as terrible as this!"

Gaz cut me off with a (very powerful) slap. I staggered back, clutching my facfe in agony, and she laughed. "There isn't a choice, Zim," she said, shaking her head. "You're doing it, and that's final. Do you know why you're going to do it, Zim?"

"You slapped me," I said, feeling rather numb, and she waved a hand in indifference. "I've done that many times before, Zim, so listen up. You're going to get beat up by Dibf, and we are going to offer you to her as a white flag. Like, if she comes and gets you, we, the innocent humans, think that she'll leave our planet alone. She'll buy that we aren't smart enough: all of your kind do, and with good reason."

I thought for a minute, but then nodded. "Fine," I said, and then pointed my finger at Dib. "But if he enjoys it any more than he should…"

Gaz nodded. "Yes, yes. I'll hit him for you. That way it'll look like you fought back."

"Wait," I interjected, confused now. "Why can't I just hit him?"

Gaz shook her head. "No. I'm going to do it. I deserve a break, having to work with you two numbskulls is bad enough. I should at least get to beat you guys up every now and then."

"Fine then," I grumped, and Dib grumped too. "Okay boys, go eat now, and then we'll get ready. I've already packed some food and clothes and things into suitcases, and so we're all ready to go. And yes," she said, as Dib opened his mouth to speak, "I did get all of your stupid technological things too. I don't see how half of them are going to be useful, but, I mean, we're going to have more room on Tak's ship, so we should be able to fit it all in there. Are you guys ready, then?" she asked, looking at both of us, her eyes open, as she made sure that we weren't lying, or being cowardly monkeys.

We nodded in unison. "Yes, we are."

* * *

It seemed like a much worse idea now that we were on the ground, waiting for Tak. Dib had set up his transmitting equipment long ago, and I was stuck, sitting on the stump of a tree, fidgeting in the clunky earthen chains that they had put me in.

"Dib, your chains are stupid, and they would never hold a real and competent Irken invader," I said, and Dib shot me a glare. "Shut it, Zim. They were the best we could find. And besides. We want Tak to get the impression that you aren't a real and competent Irken invader. That way, she'll stay here and listen to us for a much longer time than if she were to immediately go back to the ship. Maybe she'll stay to heckle us for a bit, who knows?"

I sighed, and rattled the chains. "I still think that your chains are the junkiest piece of stupid earthen junk that I've ever seen."

"I'm not arguing with you on _that_ point," Dib muttered, pressing a few buttons on his transmitter before looking up at the sky. "She should be here any minute now."

"My face hurts," I complained, trying to throw in a last one before Tak came. My head did indeed hurt. Dib and Gaz had, after throwing a few punches, constructed a hologram that projected bruises and deformities all over me. My mouth could move, and the only thing that would disrupt the hologram would be if I moved the rest of my body, which was really what the chains were there for. "Your chains, too, Dib, pain my delicate Irken arms."

"Shut it," Dib hissed, and backed up a few paces. "She's coming."

"Oh really, did the light from the sky tell you about that? Or was it the blinking transmitter? Or the tingling feeling of the energy field? Pathetic human. How will she ever believe that you and your…well, your sister perhaps, but how would you even begin to-"

He glared at me. "Shut it, Zim! Or you'll destroy everything that we've worked so hard to-"

"-Beat me up-"

"Zim!" he exclaimed, exasperated, and I rolled my eyes. "Fine, fine. I'll pretend to have been injured by you, the _mighty_ Dib," I said, before letting out a moan.

"Don't overdo it though, Zim," Dib muttered, apparently angered with my obviously amazing performance.

"So many rules, how will I ever remember them in my superior Irken mind?" I asked, and sighed. "Fine. I won't even make a noise." Dib nodded to that, and I sat there, growing more bored by the minute. Finally, Tak's transporter ship (which I noted would be more than large enough for three of us on our month-long journey) landed in the clearing in front of us.

"The pathetic humans," she spat as she disembarked, "didn't even notice as I was flying in plain air, right above them. Your race, monkey, is filth," she said, to Dib, whose face stiffened. "They may be, but I'm not," he said. "I propose, Invader Tak, an alliance."

She practically glowed when he used the word 'Invader', and I had to bite back a long, drawn-out sigh. Instead, I remained emotionless as Dib cleared his throat. Tak nodded. "Go on, human," she said, nearly purring. I could tell that she wanted him to call her an Invader again: how she must relish the title.

"Well. I happen to have your nemesis behind us, in chains. They may look like normal Earth chains, but as you can see, he can barely move. I had, in a fit of brilliance that often comes to Invaders like you, infused the chains with a substance that I discovered embedded in the ground of the Earth. This substance has proved that it immobilizes Irkens like Zim, and, if used properly, can kill humans. I haven't gotten the chance to try it out on any other species, but with you… "

Tak held up a hand. "Is this all a clever plan to get me to surrender a ship to your hands, puny Earthling?" Dib looked confused for a moment. "I beg your pardon? I've got the substance right here, Invader Tak," he said, which satisfied her for a moment. "I simply propose that you leave our planet alone."

"And so, what do I get in return, Dib?" she asked, her purple eyes narrowed, in what was obviously suspicion. It could have been anger, or defense, however.

"You, Invader Tak, get this lowly, beaten-up scum of an Irken…Zim. Your nemesis. The reason why you couldn't become an Invader when you were _supposed_ to."

Tak smiled, her teeth glinting in the sunlight. "Dib, Dib, Dib," she chided, shaking her head. "You're Zim's _ally_. How am I supposed to trust you? Why would you beat Zim up when he was your only chance at defeating me? Of course, saying that Zim is your only chance is truly saying something…he's not much at all. After all, he got defeated by a puny human, if defeat him was actually what you did," she said, and I had to muster up ideas of butterflies, and misshapen unicorns to stop from leaping up and strangling her.

"You thought he and I were allies as well? This is why they call me, here on Earth, The Master," Dib said, and Tak shook her head. "They don't call you that. Who's they?"

"Fine. I just thought people _should_ call me that, but have it your way. Anyways, as I was saying, it was all a very cleverly designed ruse to gain Zim's trust, so that I could use him as a weapon against you. But he wasn't very useful, so I decided to offer him to you instead. That way, at least, I would be able to get something out of having spent so much horrendous time with him. He's very dull," Dib said, and shrugged. "But you want him, and trust me: you want this weapon that I have."

"Suppose that I did," Tak said, inspecting her gloves as a human female would inspect her nails. She was, after all, very vain. "All I have to do, once I have this weapon, is leave Earth alone? You don't want any ships, or robots?"

Dib shook his head. "I'm just a naïve, human worm child. I've only lived for twenty years. What do I need to do with robots when I'm surely just going to die a painful death at seventy-something?" he asked, and Tak nodded appreciatively. "I agree with these statements. Fine, then. Hand over Zim, and the Earth weapon," she said, before stopping. A blur of light had materialized into a cat-shaped robot in front of her, and it spat out several words in Irken before zooming back into the ship.

Tak's eyes were slits now, and she pointed a menacing finger at Dib. "You," she hissed, "Caused a commotion onboard my ship while I was standing here! It was that infernal sister of yours, of course. Hah. Unfortunately for her, I have robot guards activated at every portal."

Dib was afraid now: I could feel it from where I was still sitting, stock-still, on the stump. The chains were beginning to chafe. Tak laughed. "Just wait until I come onboard my ship. Then she'll see that even a foolish plan like this cannot stop me. Zim, you may stop your façade of stillness now, I know there is no weapon."

I didn't move, and she paused for only a second, before turning around and marching back onto her ship. It was quick to rise into the air, and only when it was gone did I reach a finger up, to scratch my face. Dib breathed a sigh of relief, and tossed me the key to the chains just as his phone flared to life. He opened it, and listened intently for a minute, before nodding. "We'll meet you there," he said, and then he snapped it shut. I was piling the chains into a case, and snapped it closed as Dib picked up the rest of his machinery. "She's going to meet us at our home: she's already mostly packed up. We have to hurry while Tak's sensors are still confused, or she'll notice that we're escaping Earth, and she'll discover what we've been doing."ff

"Did she plant the message?" I asked, running alongside Dib, who nodded. "Yeah. It should hold her off for a good twenty minutes, and at worse, five. The ship, she says, has invisibility shields, which should protect us from sight, if not from radar. We've got to hurry."f

* * *

**A/N: This took far too long to complete, but I did not want to disappoint my seventeen fanfs (or two fans who've refreshed a grand total of 8.5 times each) with a flimsily short chapter.**

**So here it is, in all of its glorious length. The next chapter, I shall try to make at least twice as long.**

**I detest the cryptic first paragraph, so do not talk to me about such things akin to that. My wonderful person-type thing of sorts is Kazz, who has read these chapters, with proclamations of fantasticness. I do not know if she speaks the truth, but at least she flatters and pets my ego. Hurrah for ego petting.**

**And I just thought I would let you know, I filled up a can of what used to be coca cola with water, but nobody fell for that clever ruse. Shame.**

**Until the next time I transmit,  
niveus incendia**


	4. Chapter Three

Disclaimer of strange: I don't own this show, obviously. If I did, I wouldn't be posting this story up on since this is a site for fiction from fans.

**(oh, and btb, this idea is copyrighted to me, on account of me being super awesome)**

The radar beeped, and the Irken sitting in front of it cleared his throat. "Sir?" he asked, his voice only wavering slightly in front of his commanding officer, Commanding Officer Paste.

The commanding officer, an Irken slightly taller than the one at the radar, swiveled around on his important-looking chair. "What is it this time, Penner?" he asked, making sure that his hands were folded in a very important-looking manner. He was an important sort of fellow, who did important things around the base, and he deserved the respect he got from his subordinates.

"I'm picking up a ship," Penner said, nodding firmly as if to reassure himself that what he had seen was actually a ship coming in. He had, several times, mistaken ships for asteroids, and vice versa, and as such, nobody really believed him anymore.

"Jot, go and check out Penner's data," the commanding officer said, nodding towards another Irken, who was apparently used to verifying the facts brought in by the somewhat incompetent Penner.

"Yessir," Jot said, getting up from his somewhat comfortable position at the code interceptor. He jogged over to Penner's station (so as to make it seem like he was completing an important task for his important commanding officer), and then turned around and saluted. "Yessir, Officer Paste. We've got a ship here. Incoming. Stat."

Officer Paste wasn't quite sure why Jot was using such strange words, but they sounded important enough, so he let it slide. "Excellent work, Jot, Penner," he said, as he had decided to acknowledge them by their names. Such an unusual thing was not to be dismissed easily, of course! "Now, Jot, back to your station. Kleem?"

Kleem nodded his head very quickly. "Yessir, Officer Paste. I will send out a transmission right away, sir. Sir!"

Officer Paste was pleased. The amount of 'sir's going around cheered him up immensely, and as he was a very, _very_ important person, it was very important that he remain pleased! "Very good, Kleem. Terf, what have we got on this ship? Serial codes, construction material, windshield wiper sort??"

Terf shook his head. "That's A Negative, Sir!" He put an emphasis on every word, and Officer Paste frowned in a pleased, important sort of way.

"Find out then, Terf!" Officer Paste ordered, and Terf saluted sharply, in the true Irken fashion (with one hand on his heart, and the other holding his third finger up in the air).

"Right Away, Sir! I Will Discover The Truth Behind This Ship, Sir! We Will Access Their Information ASAP, Sir!" Terf saluted once more, before turning around briskly. Once he was facing his work station again, he began to type, since the manual sorts of keypads suited Officer Paste's tastes the best.

Officer Paste nodded, and then he pulled on his Very Important Headphones (VIH for short, of course), so that he could listen in on Kleem's conversation with the foreigners.

Kleem tapped one more button into the pad in front of him, and then, a small (mostly squat) Irken face appeared on the screen. "Ah!" Kleem said, in a slightly pleased sort of fashion. (Officer Paste was not amused at Kleem's tone, but he decided that since he was not the one at the microphone, he would let it slide)

"Invader Rowl," Kleem continued, and Officer Paste nodded. A name! "How fares your invading on the planet of the rabid glue-monsters?"

"_Not terribly good, I'm afraid, Kleem. You see, the glue-monsters attacked my troops several times, and we've nearly depleted our sources. I'm sure that Officer Paste knows: glue-monsters are very ferocious beings."_

"Yes, yes," Officer Paste said, his chest puffing out in a dignified sort of way. "I know all about the glue-monsters. Very ferocious. Prone to attacking troops quite a lot."

He knew loads of information, Officer Paste, and he knew it well. Only important people would know about the ways of the glue-monsters, after all.

"Dear me. You are back here for supplies then, Invader Rowl?" Kleem asked, gesturing to Terf, who nodded emphatically. "I Can Send Them On Their Merry Way Right Away, Sir!" Terf said, with a salute, and Officer Paste stroked his chin. "Very well. They may pass. Wait! What are those two slightly obscure forms behind Invader Rowl?" he asked, since it was an important question.

"_These_?" Invader Rowl asked as he turned back to reveal two (very) out-of-date robots. "_These are the only two robots that survived the fiftieth glue-monster invasion. As you can see…they are obviously dysfunctional._"

Officer Paste's eyes narrowed as one of the robots lifted up a spindly arm. "_IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S GOOD TO BE HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!"_

The robot froze for a moment, before shaking its head. "_I was gonna eat waaaaaaaaffles, but then we got ataaaaaaacked and-_"It shook its head once more, and then was silent (which Officer Paste saw as a great relief from the high-pitched voice of a few moments before).

Officer Paste shook his head. "I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Invader Rowl. Your robot is horribly, horribly wrong. It's like its brain isn't even functional at all!"

Invader Rowl nodded sorrowfully, and then saluted, in the true Irken fashion.

"_It is good to be back home, Sir, even if it is only for a few hours. I've almost got those glue-monsters vanquished: Project Omega Doomsday 3.14 will be on its way very soon, and then we can move onto Operation Impending Success."_

"In the name of the Tallest," Officer Paste said, "You had better, Invader Rowl. You had better."

* * *

The faces disappeared off of the screen, and the blue-eyed robot turned towards Invader Rowl.

"I'm sorry, Zim," GIR muttered, and Invader Rowl shook his head.

"I told you he would be hard to control. And in front of people…well, GIR just goes wild." Invader Rowl made a noise of disgust, but couldn't help himself: a corner of his mouth twitched in the slightest amount of a smile. It was an unconscious reaction, and he quickly smothered the smile, grin, mouth deformity…

"I don't know what you're talking about, Gaz," the second robot said, flexing its small fingers before looking over at GIR. "My robot works just fine."

"Shut it, Dib," GIR said, coughing (a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'PIGGY'). "Your robot doesn't have a second brain in it. Although, I don't think I should even call it a brain: I don't even know how it functions. It's a giant mass of paperclips and gum and…well, you don't even want to know either."

Invader Rowl cleared his throat. "Excuse me, bickering Earth monkeys, but we must go now. They're opening the door for us, which means that we have potentially been successful in our Stage 1. Neither of you can talk while we're out there, at least not until we're physically in the weapons room. They have…surveillance…"

Both robots saluted, and Invader Rowl turned to face the door. He had a cold grin on his face, and had clasped his hands behind his back: he was ready.

* * *

Senior Guard Green smiled with satisfaction.

He was able to do so because his mouth was hidden behind the collar of his shirt, and his eyes revealed nothing. He was smiling because he knew that his job was well done: all the guards were in their positions, there were no intruders, and everything was running smoothly about the compound.

He was hiding his smile, however, because he was a Senior Guard, and Senior Guards were professional about their duties.

This was why Senior Guard Green was patrolling his area, ensuring that everything was perfect, even though he knew it already was. It was his duty to patrol his area every seventy cricks, in order to ensure that the security of The Massive was in tip top shape.

There was no possible way that the Irkens would fail in their third plan. Operation Impending Success was already in full swing.

That idiotic Invader Zim had been taken care of, and he would surely not be able to ruin _this_ plan as he had ruined the two previous ones. And the Tallest had ensured not to jinx this plan: naming it Doom had obviously caused the inevitable destruction of the previous two plans.

Invader Tak was making sure that Invader Zim stayed under wraps on Earth. It was her duty (which they all knew that she relished) to control the unpredictable swine. She had reported that his destruction was imminent, and that Operation Impending Success would most surely be the most successful invasion plan ever invented by the Irkens.

All that Senior Guard Green needed to do was keep his area of The Massive safe and secure.

He chuckled to himself as he turned the corner into the Experimental Weaponry Corridor (the EWC for short). It was highly unlikely that any Irken could come into this hallway without passing through his security. He set such high standards, and it was only a bit of a hassle to maintain them.

And yet, as he turned into the hall, he noticed something.

Three somethings, in fact.

Two robots were flanking one Invader, and all three were standing in front of the bright blue door which Senior Guard Green _knew_ led to the Experimental Robotics Laboratory (or ERL for short).

"Hey!" Senior Guard Green yelled, stopping in his tracks and pointing at the Invader. "Hey, you! Invader! I demand to know why you are standing in front of the door to the ERL! As Senior Guard of this area, I demand to know! You have no authorization to be in this wing, Invader. The supplies for Invaders, as you well know, are on the _other side of the ship_. Why are you here??"

The Invader turned around.

Senior Guard Green swallowed.

There was something about this stumpy being that struck a chord of fear deep within Senior Guard Green's hearts.

This squat Invader's eyes were narrowed into slits, and the cold, calculating air that surrounded the group was almost enough to make Senior Guard Green step back. His antennae were back, and Senior Guard Green could have sworn that he saw the corner of the Invader's lip curling in disgust.

How could Senior Guard Green be afraid? This was an Invader, not a Senior Guard. His robots were obviously defunct, as they were standing there, motionless.

But Senior Guard Green could only stand still for a moment, his mouth open, and his eyes wide, before he remembered something.

It was something that made his back straighten up.

He was _taller_ than this tiny Invader.

* * *

Invader Rowl had been observing the door to the Experimental Robotics Laboratory. It was where he, Dib, and Gaz needed to go: they needed things that hadn't even been introduced into the Irken curriculum.

And then, just as he was figuring out how to unlock this formidable door, he heard a voice.

"_Hey!_"

Invader Rowl's eyes narrowed. How _dare_ the Irkens interrupt him while he was trying to break into one of their Laboratories? No matter. Someone as simple as this was obviously easily dispatched.

"_Hey, you! Invader! I demand to know why you are standing in front of the door to the ERL! As Senior Guard of this area, I demand to know! You have no authorization to be in this wing, Invader. The supplies for Invaders, as you well know, are on the _other side of the ship_. Why are you here??_"

Invader Rowl turned around, antennae back, hands still clasped behind his back. He watched the Irken (a Senior Guard, from the look of the outfit, although it was possible that they had changed since he had last been on The Massive) shrink back for a moment. And then it was obvious that the Senior Guard realized that Invader Rowl was much, much shorter than he.

"I am Invader Rowl," he said after a moment. "I am here to pillage this room. I have been appointed superior to my fellow Invaders, and I find it absolutely necessary to obtain the newest and finest in robotic equipment."

The Senior Guard seemed taken aback. "But Invaders are not authorized in this wing. Only Senior, Regular, and Junior Guards under my wing are."

"I have authorization," Invader Rowl snapped. "Come and view these impressive papers. I trust that you will find them satisfactory. I am, after all, the best Invader ever to invade."

Invader Rowl held out his papers, and the Senior Guard came to scrutinize them. They were all in perfect order: Invader Rowl had ensured that they were beforehand. It wouldn't do for someone to detain them when they were this close to a small victory. And their bodies only had two more Earth hours of oxygen left.

"Very well. Invader Rowl, I am Senior Guard Green, and I am more than content to escort you into this here ERL. You have need of the EWL, and the EAGLE as well, correct?"

Invader Rowl sorted out the acronyms in his head: Experimental Robotics Laboratory, Experimental Weaponry Laboratory, and the Experimental and Actively Good Laboratory of Excellence. "The ESL as well," he said, noting that they would need a more superior ship in which to fly.

"Very well."

Senior Guard Green removed a key from his pocket, and he opened the way into the Experimental Robotics Laboratory.

That had been extraordinarily simple, Invader Rowl thought to himself as the three of them went inside.

"How many robots are you in need of, Invader Rowl?" Senior Guard Green asked, and Invader Rowl thought for a moment.

His mouth curled into a scheming smirk. "I require two of your best robots, Senior Guard Green," he said. "And one Pilla of parts. For repairs and the like."

"You know that our robots in here are experimental, Invader Rowl."

Invader Rowl laughed. "I know that you have improved on both your SIR and your PIR robots. I require the newest versions of each. I am not in here for the experimental equipment: all that I need is the versions that are ready to be mass produced."

Senior Guard Green nodded. "That is a wise choice. Yes, getting to the best materials before the other Invaders is most definitely an excellent plan. You certainly are the best, Invader Rowl."

"I know," Invader Rowl said.

He was indeed the best.

Senior Guard Green interrupted his thoughts. "Shall I dispose of those two outdated piles of junk, Invader Rowl?"

Invader Rowl froze. "I beg your pardon? You believe that destroying these two robots is a wise decision? Do you not understand the basics of robotics? All of the information I require is in the mind chips of these two robots."

"You mean the information about bluuuuuuuueberry muffins!" GIR piped up, and Senior Guard Green stepped back.

"What _is_ that?" he asked, and Invader Rowl rolled his eyes.

"It is nothing. It's only a slight dysfunction of this model. This is why I need to replace him, with a newer, more functional robot. I do, however, have some valuable information stashed away in here. Could you imagine if an enemy of the Irkens got their hands on these two?" Invader Rowl asked, laughing. "It would be the end of everything we have worked so hard to stand for.

SIR, take the two new robots," Invader Rowl commanded, and the robot (the one that wasn't holding its hands over its mouth) saluted.

"Sir, yes sir!"

"At least that one is working properly," Senior Guard Green said, with a nod. "I admire you muchly, Invader Rowl. That you managed to invade so many planets with such success, and with so little help…you must be a great Invader."

"I am," Invader Rowl said, shrugging. "And now I am off. Thank you for your assistance, Senior Guard Green. If ever I am publicly recognized, you can be sure that your name will come up."

"Oh, thank you, Invader Rowl."

The two Irkens saluted, and then went their respective ways. Senior Guard Green to continue his patrol duties, and Invader Rowl to requisition a ship, and some formidable weaponry. One was followed by two small robots, one of which was carrying two other robots and the other of which was still holding its hands over its mouth. And the other was followed by nothing but his formidable ego.

* * *

The Tallest were standing on their platform, admiring the crowds of Invaders all so ready to carry out Operation Impending Success.

Tallest Red turned to Tallest Purple. "It's a good thing that Zim isn't here, huh?"

Tallest Purple nodded. "Definitely!" he agreed. His voice was slightly muffled because of the donuts. He had been stuffing them into every nook and cranny in his mouth, and it was amazing that he had even managed one word.

Tallest Red sighed.

"You don't have to eat them so quickly. There's no end to our supply of donuts, you know."

"Mbuf mer mnomnmufhnm."

"You're going to choke on them one day, you know that, right?"

Tallest Red had to wait until Tallest Purple had swallowed.

"I most certainly will not!"

"Anyways," Tallest Red said, looking up towards the ceiling. "As I was saying, it's a good thing that Zim isn't here. He would just be all about ruining Operation Impending Success."

"He probably still even has that stupid old robot!" Tallest Purple exclaimed with a laugh.

"The one with paperclips for a brain?" Tallest Red asked, doubling over with laughter. "How did that thing even manage to stay together? What a chump, that Zim…"

* * *

"Officer Paste, Sir!"

Officer Paste glanced to the side. He had been imagining himself as the Tallest, and it was a good thing that Kleem had interrupted him. Such slanderous things were not permitted onboard The Massive. "Yes, Kleem?"

"We're receiving a transmission, sir! It's from Invader Rowl's ship."

"Seems To Me Like It's Being Towed By Another Ship, Sir!" Terf exclaimed, pointing to the figures on the screen in front of him.

Officer Paste nodded importantly, and gestured towards Kleem. "Connect to them," he said.

The screen flickered to life once more, and Invader Rowl's face appeared. "_I see you have noticed the things I have acquired, Officer Paste,_" he said, smiling. "_I have found the items that I needed to vanquish the glue monsters. I now only need safe passage back to my planet, and then I will be able to complete Project Omega Doomsday 3.14. _"

Officer Paste nodded. "Of course you need safe passage, Invader Rowl. We cannot detain a member of Operation Impending Success. We must let you through. The second ship then, that is a new one that you need?"

Invader Rowl nodded. "_We needed enough space in which to put our equipment, Officer Paste. And with this new ship, we will be disguised against the glue monsters: they won't be expecting such a formidable vessel to come at them._"

This made sense, so Officer Paste agreed. "I agree, Invader Rowl. Well, good luck to you, and may the Armada prevail."

"_May your Invasions be complete,_" Invader Rowl added.

"And may you dominate the people with an iron fist."

"_For the goal of the Irken Empire._"

Invader Rowl nodded, and then the two Irkens saluted one another.

The transmission cut out, and Officer Paste leaned back in his chair. He hadn't had a proper send off like that in ages. The Invaders these days were much more rude than the seasoned veterans, and they often just ran off, overly eager to invade their planets. This Invader Rowl was a top notch figure.

He reminded Officer Paste of the good old days, when Operation Impending Doom was, without a doubt, the best plan ever to be concocted. Those days when Invader Zim roamed the halls, being a nuisance, but promoting the idea of Irken superiority to the people…

Invader Zim had saluted like that, too.

Officer Paste laughed at his foolishness.

Invader Zim was dead. Or soon to be, at least.

"Incoming dot on the radar, sir!" Penner exclaimed, and Officer Paste turned to the side, all thoughts of Invader Zim wiped from his mind.

"Jot…" Officer Paste said, and the other saluted, and went to check it out.

"It's another ship, sir…"

* * *

I leaned back in my chair as the stars flew by.

A smile of contentment grew on my face, and then, thinking about what had just happened, I laughed.

"What is it, Zim?"

I turned my head to the side, and saw Gaz's face peeking into the console. This new ship was so much faster than Tak's freighter, and we had downloaded Vierre into the mainframe so as to maintain our emotional connections with the ship that had carried us all the way towards the Armada.

"It's just…I never knew that the Irkens were so easily fooled. How did we manage to conquer nearly the entire galaxy with brains like that?"

Gaz shrugged. "They're just overconfident because of all of the victories they've been having. And they didn't expect to see you back there. GIR and I hacked into their computer, and it seems like they sent Tak after you. They appointed her an Invader and told her to go invade Earth. They said that she could have the planet if she managed to kill you…and I guess she's been trying to."

I shrugged. "It isn't as if she's going to. One Irken against three of us? And now that we have the robots…"

Gaz sat down in the chair next to me. "Why'd you do that, anyway?"

"What? Why did I do what?"

"You're always saying 'Zim has a reason!', so I thought you might, this once. Why did you only get two robots? You should have gotten a third."

"We…don't need a third," I said. "Dib doesn't need one, after all…"

"I knew it," Gaz said. "It's GIR. You're going to put him back together."

"That old thing!" I exclaimed. "Why would I put that hunk of metal back together? That would just be stupid. GIR is too dysfunctional to work anymore, Gaz. I can't fix him…and he's…no…no use to me."

"Aw, you're going to cry. Don't do that. I know you love that little guy."

I sat up, incensed. "I would never! Irkens do not possess the ability to cry. And I do _not_ love him."

Gaz smiled triumphantly, and I leaned back, unhappy that she had somehow read my true motives. Of course, I hadn't made them very hard to decipher. Why else would I have turned GIR off for so long? He had been about to fall apart, and this new metal was sure to piece him together perfectly. "I don't love him, per se. I just…look, you wouldn't understand. You're just a stupid sack of Earth meat. I, Zim, supreme Irken, tall as the Tallest, do not have to explain myself to you."

She said nothing.

She knew that she had won.

Just then, Dib appeared at the door, his eyes wide. His hands were up in the air.

"Have you guys _seen_ the size of the snack rooms in this place?

They're _huge_!!"

* * *

**A/N: This took me ages.  
And I'm only slightly sorry: I only delayed writing this chapter because it was so weird compared to the others, in terms of writing style.**

**But I think I did it good.**

**You'll note, most likely, the reappearance of several familiar characters. And also, an explanation as to why GIR was not included in the previous chapters.  
Now that they're on their way, will they beat Tak? We'll see.  
Will they take detours? Possibly. But probably not.**

**Now for acknowledgements.**

**Kazz: An excellent friend who flatters my ego with her incessant praise.  
Alice is still in Wonderland: Who makes up half of my (measly) six reviews.  
Redd Hedd: Not a woman. But still gave an excellent review.  
Invader Devi: Yay reviews, and sorry, but I'm not allowed to give spoilers. Plus it's more fun torturing you.**

**And lastly, but possibly not leastly (haha, I jest, I jest), PhantomInvader. For fixing my ghastly mistakes in the previous chapters.**

**Now, fellow Earth Meats, I demand reviews!**

**Until the next time I transmit,  
niveus incendia.**

* * *


	5. Chapter Four

Disclaimer of strange: I don't own this show, obviously. If I did, I wouldn't be posting this story up on since this is a site for fiction from fans.

**(oh, and btb, this idea is copyrighted to me, on account of me being super awesome)**The radar beeped, and the Irken sitting in front of it cleared his throat. "Sir?" he asked, his voice only wavering slightly in front of his commanding officer, Commanding Officer Paste.

* * *

The commanding officer, an Irken slightly taller than the one at the radar, swiveled around on his important-looking chair. "What is it this time, Penner?" he asked, making sure that his hands were folded in a very important-looking manner. He was an important sort of fellow, who did important things around the base, and he deserved the respect he got from his subordinates.

"I'm picking up a ship," Penner said, nodding firmly as if to reassure himself that what he had seen was actually a ship coming in. He had, several times, mistaken ships for asteroids, and vice versa, and as such, nobody really believed him anymore.

"Jot, go and check out Penner's data," the commanding officer said, nodding towards another Irken, who was apparently used to verifying the facts brought in by the somewhat incompetent Penner.

"Yessir," Jot said, getting up from his somewhat comfortable position at the code interceptor. He jogged over to Penner's station (so as to make it seem like he was completing an important task for his important commanding officer), and then turned around and saluted. "Yessir, Officer Paste. We've got a ship here. Incoming. Stat."

Officer Paste wasn't quite sure why Jot was using such strange words, but they sounded important enough, so he let it slide. "Excellent work, Jot, Penner," he said, as he had decided to acknowledge them by their names. Such an unusual thing was not to be dismissed easily, of course! "Now, Jot, back to your station. Kleem?"

Kleem nodded his head very quickly. "Yessir, Officer Paste. I will send out a transmission right away, sir. Sir!"

Officer Paste was pleased. The amount of 'sir's going around cheered him up immensely, and as he was a very, _very_ important person, it was very important that he remain pleased! "Very good, Kleem. Terf, what have we got on this ship? Serial codes, construction material, windshield wiper sort??"

Terf shook his head. "That's A Negative, Sir!" He put an emphasis on every word, and Officer Paste frowned in a pleased, important sort of way.

"Find out then, Terf!" Officer Paste ordered, and Terf saluted sharply, in the true Irken fashion (with one hand on his heart, and the other holding his third finger up in the air).

"Right Away, Sir! I Will Discover The Truth Behind This Ship, Sir! We Will Access Their Information ASAP, Sir!" Terf saluted once more, before turning around briskly. Once he was facing his work station again, he began to type, since the manual sorts of keypads suited Officer Paste's tastes the best.

Officer Paste nodded, and then he pulled on his Very Important Headphones (VIH for short, of course), so that he could listen in on Kleem's conversation with the foreigners.

Kleem tapped one more button into the pad in front of him, and then, a small (mostly squat) Irken face appeared on the screen. "Ah!" Kleem said, in a slightly pleased sort of fashion. (Officer Paste was not amused at Kleem's tone, but he decided that since he was not the one at the microphone, he would let it slide)

"Invader Rowl," Kleem continued, and Officer Paste nodded. A name! "How fares your invading on the planet of the rabid glue-monsters?"

"_Not terribly good, I'm afraid, Kleem. You see, the glue-monsters attacked my troops several times, and we've nearly depleted our sources. I'm sure that Officer Paste knows: glue-monsters are very ferocious beings."_

"Yes, yes," Officer Paste said, his chest puffing out in a dignified sort of way. "I know all about the glue-monsters. Very ferocious. Prone to attacking troops quite a lot."

He knew loads of information, Officer Paste, and he knew it well. Only important people would know about the ways of the glue-monsters, after all.

"Dear me. You are back here for supplies then, Invader Rowl?" Kleem asked, gesturing to Terf, who nodded emphatically. "I Can Send Them On Their Merry Way Right Away, Sir!" Terf said, with a salute, and Officer Paste stroked his chin. "Very well. They may pass. Wait! What are those two slightly obscure forms behind Invader Rowl?" he asked, since it was an important question.

"_These_?" Invader Rowl asked as he turned back to reveal two (very) out-of-date robots. "_These are the only two robots that survived the fiftieth glue-monster invasion. As you can see…they are obviously dysfunctional._"

Officer Paste's eyes narrowed as one of the robots lifted up a spindly arm. "_IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT'S GOOD TO BE HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME!"_

The robot froze for a moment, before shaking its head. "_I was gonna eat waaaaaaaaffles, but then we got ataaaaaaacked and-_"It shook its head once more, and then was silent (which Officer Paste saw as a great relief from the high-pitched voice of a few moments before).

Officer Paste shook his head. "I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Invader Rowl. Your robot is horribly, horribly wrong. It's like its brain isn't even functional at all!"

Invader Rowl nodded sorrowfully, and then saluted, in the true Irken fashion.

"_It is good to be back home, Sir, even if it is only for a few hours. I've almost got those glue-monsters vanquished: Project Omega Doomsday 3.14 will be on its way very soon, and then we can move onto Operation Impending Success."_

"In the name of the Tallest," Officer Paste said, "You had better, Invader Rowl. You had better."

* * *

The faces disappeared off of the screen, and the blue-eyed robot turned towards Invader Rowl.

"I'm sorry, Zim," GIR muttered, and Invader Rowl shook his head.

"I told you he would be hard to control. And in front of people…well, GIR just goes wild." Invader Rowl made a noise of disgust, but couldn't help himself: a corner of his mouth twitched in the slightest amount of a smile. It was an unconscious reaction, and he quickly smothered the smile, grin, mouth deformity…

"I don't know what you're talking about, Gaz," the second robot said, flexing its small fingers before looking over at GIR. "My robot works just fine."

"Shut it, Dib," GIR said, coughing (a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'PIGGY'). "Your robot doesn't have a second brain in it. Although, I don't think I should even call it a brain: I don't even know how it functions. It's a giant mass of paperclips and gum and…well, you don't even want to know either."

Invader Rowl cleared his throat. "Excuse me, bickering Earth monkeys, but we must go now. They're opening the door for us, which means that we have potentially been successful in our Stage 1. Neither of you can talk while we're out there, at least not until we're physically in the weapons room. They have…surveillance…"

Both robots saluted, and Invader Rowl turned to face the door. He had a cold grin on his face, and had clasped his hands behind his back: he was ready.

* * *

Senior Guard Green smiled with satisfaction.

He was able to do so because his mouth was hidden behind the collar of his shirt, and his eyes revealed nothing. He was smiling because he knew that his job was well done: all the guards were in their positions, there were no intruders, and everything was running smoothly about the compound.

He was hiding his smile, however, because he was a Senior Guard, and Senior Guards were professional about their duties.

This was why Senior Guard Green was patrolling his area, ensuring that everything was perfect, even though he knew it already was. It was his duty to patrol his area every seventy cricks, in order to ensure that the security of The Massive was in tip top shape.

There was no possible way that the Irkens would fail in their third plan. Operation Impending Success was already in full swing.

That idiotic Invader Zim had been taken care of, and he would surely not be able to ruin _this_ plan as he had ruined the two previous ones. And the Tallest had ensured not to jinx this plan: naming it Doom had obviously caused the inevitable destruction of the previous two plans.

Invader Tak was making sure that Invader Zim stayed under wraps on Earth. It was her duty (which they all knew that she relished) to control the unpredictable swine. She had reported that his destruction was imminent, and that Operation Impending Success would most surely be the most successful invasion plan ever invented by the Irkens.

All that Senior Guard Green needed to do was keep his area of The Massive safe and secure.

He chuckled to himself as he turned the corner into the Experimental Weaponry Corridor (the EWC for short). It was highly unlikely that any Irken could come into this hallway without passing through his security. He set such high standards, and it was only a bit of a hassle to maintain them.

And yet, as he turned into the hall, he noticed something.

Three somethings, in fact.

Two robots were flanking one Invader, and all three were standing in front of the bright blue door which Senior Guard Green _knew_ led to the Experimental Robotics Laboratory (or ERL for short).

"Hey!" Senior Guard Green yelled, stopping in his tracks and pointing at the Invader. "Hey, you! Invader! I demand to know why you are standing in front of the door to the ERL! As Senior Guard of this area, I demand to know! You have no authorization to be in this wing, Invader. The supplies for Invaders, as you well know, are on the _other side of the ship_. Why are you here??"

The Invader turned around.

Senior Guard Green swallowed.

There was something about this stumpy being that struck a chord of fear deep within Senior Guard Green's hearts.

This squat Invader's eyes were narrowed into slits, and the cold, calculating air that surrounded the group was almost enough to make Senior Guard Green step back. His antennae were back, and Senior Guard Green could have sworn that he saw the corner of the Invader's lip curling in disgust.

How could Senior Guard Green be afraid? This was an Invader, not a Senior Guard. His robots were obviously defunct, as they were standing there, motionless.

But Senior Guard Green could only stand still for a moment, his mouth open, and his eyes wide, before he remembered something.

It was something that made his back straighten up.

He was _taller_ than this tiny Invader.

* * *

Invader Rowl had been observing the door to the Experimental Robotics Laboratory. It was where he, Dib, and Gaz needed to go: they needed things that hadn't even been introduced into the Irken curriculum.

And then, just as he was figuring out how to unlock this formidable door, he heard a voice.

"_Hey!_"

Invader Rowl's eyes narrowed. How _dare_ the Irkens interrupt him while he was trying to break into one of their Laboratories? No matter. Someone as simple as this was obviously easily dispatched.

"_Hey, you! Invader! I demand to know why you are standing in front of the door to the ERL! As Senior Guard of this area, I demand to know! You have no authorization to be in this wing, Invader. The supplies for Invaders, as you well know, are on the _other side of the ship_. Why are you here??_"

Invader Rowl turned around, antennae back, hands still clasped behind his back. He watched the Irken (a Senior Guard, from the look of the outfit, although it was possible that they had changed since he had last been on The Massive) shrink back for a moment. And then it was obvious that the Senior Guard realized that Invader Rowl was much, much shorter than he.

"I am Invader Rowl," he said after a moment. "I am here to pillage this room. I have been appointed superior to my fellow Invaders, and I find it absolutely necessary to obtain the newest and finest in robotic equipment."

The Senior Guard seemed taken aback. "But Invaders are not authorized in this wing. Only Senior, Regular, and Junior Guards under my wing are."

"I have authorization," Invader Rowl snapped. "Come and view these impressive papers. I trust that you will find them satisfactory. I am, after all, the best Invader ever to invade."

Invader Rowl held out his papers, and the Senior Guard came to scrutinize them. They were all in perfect order: Invader Rowl had ensured that they were beforehand. It wouldn't do for someone to detain them when they were this close to a small victory. And their bodies only had two more Earth hours of oxygen left.

"Very well. Invader Rowl, I am Senior Guard Green, and I am more than content to escort you into this here ERL. You have need of the EWL, and the EAGLE as well, correct?"

Invader Rowl sorted out the acronyms in his head: Experimental Robotics Laboratory, Experimental Weaponry Laboratory, and the Experimental and Actively Good Laboratory of Excellence. "The ESL as well," he said, noting that they would need a more superior ship in which to fly.

"Very well."

Senior Guard Green removed a key from his pocket, and he opened the way into the Experimental Robotics Laboratory.

That had been extraordinarily simple, Invader Rowl thought to himself as the three of them went inside.

"How many robots are you in need of, Invader Rowl?" Senior Guard Green asked, and Invader Rowl thought for a moment.

His mouth curled into a scheming smirk. "I require two of your best robots, Senior Guard Green," he said. "And one Pilla of parts. For repairs and the like."

"You know that our robots in here are experimental, Invader Rowl."

Invader Rowl laughed. "I know that you have improved on both your SIR and your PIR robots. I require the newest versions of each. I am not in here for the experimental equipment: all that I need is the versions that are ready to be mass produced."

Senior Guard Green nodded. "That is a wise choice. Yes, getting to the best materials before the other Invaders is most definitely an excellent plan. You certainly are the best, Invader Rowl."

"I know," Invader Rowl said.

He was indeed the best.

Senior Guard Green interrupted his thoughts. "Shall I dispose of those two outdated piles of junk, Invader Rowl?"

Invader Rowl froze. "I beg your pardon? You believe that destroying these two robots is a wise decision? Do you not understand the basics of robotics? All of the information I require is in the mind chips of these two robots."

"You mean the information about bluuuuuuuueberry muffins!" GIR piped up, and Senior Guard Green stepped back.

"What _is_ that?" he asked, and Invader Rowl rolled his eyes.

"It is nothing. It's only a slight dysfunction of this model. This is why I need to replace him, with a newer, more functional robot. I do, however, have some valuable information stashed away in here. Could you imagine if an enemy of the Irkens got their hands on these two?" Invader Rowl asked, laughing. "It would be the end of everything we have worked so hard to stand for.

SIR, take the two new robots," Invader Rowl commanded, and the robot (the one that wasn't holding its hands over its mouth) saluted.

"Sir, yes sir!"

"At least that one is working properly," Senior Guard Green said, with a nod. "I admire you muchly, Invader Rowl. That you managed to invade so many planets with such success, and with so little help…you must be a great Invader."

"I am," Invader Rowl said, shrugging. "And now I am off. Thank you for your assistance, Senior Guard Green. If ever I am publicly recognized, you can be sure that your name will come up."

"Oh, thank you, Invader Rowl."

The two Irkens saluted, and then went their respective ways. Senior Guard Green to continue his patrol duties, and Invader Rowl to requisition a ship, and some formidable weaponry. One was followed by two small robots, one of which was carrying two other robots and the other of which was still holding its hands over its mouth. And the other was followed by nothing but his formidable ego.

* * *

The Tallest were standing on their platform, admiring the crowds of Invaders all so ready to carry out Operation Impending Success.

Tallest Red turned to Tallest Purple. "It's a good thing that Zim isn't here, huh?"

Tallest Purple nodded. "Definitely!" he agreed. His voice was slightly muffled because of the donuts. He had been stuffing them into every nook and cranny in his mouth, and it was amazing that he had even managed one word.

Tallest Red sighed.

"You don't have to eat them so quickly. There's no end to our supply of donuts, you know."

"Mbuf mer mnomnmufhnm."

"You're going to choke on them one day, you know that, right?"

Tallest Red had to wait until Tallest Purple had swallowed.

"I most certainly will not!"

"Anyways," Tallest Red said, looking up towards the ceiling. "As I was saying, it's a good thing that Zim isn't here. He would just be all about ruining Operation Impending Success."

"He probably still even has that stupid old robot!" Tallest Purple exclaimed with a laugh.

"The one with paperclips for a brain?" Tallest Red asked, doubling over with laughter. "How did that thing even manage to stay together? What a chump, that Zim…"

* * *

"Officer Paste, Sir!"

Officer Paste glanced to the side. He had been imagining himself as the Tallest, and it was a good thing that Kleem had interrupted him. Such slanderous things were not permitted onboard The Massive. "Yes, Kleem?"

"We're receiving a transmission, sir! It's from Invader Rowl's ship."

"Seems To Me Like It's Being Towed By Another Ship, Sir!" Terf exclaimed, pointing to the figures on the screen in front of him.

Officer Paste nodded importantly, and gestured towards Kleem. "Connect to them," he said.

The screen flickered to life once more, and Invader Rowl's face appeared. "_I see you have noticed the things I have acquired, Officer Paste,_" he said, smiling. "_I have found the items that I needed to vanquish the glue monsters. I now only need safe passage back to my planet, and then I will be able to complete Project Omega Doomsday 3.14. _"

Officer Paste nodded. "Of course you need safe passage, Invader Rowl. We cannot detain a member of Operation Impending Success. We must let you through. The second ship then, that is a new one that you need?"

Invader Rowl nodded. "_We needed enough space in which to put our equipment, Officer Paste. And with this new ship, we will be disguised against the glue monsters: they won't be expecting such a formidable vessel to come at them._"

This made sense, so Officer Paste agreed. "I agree, Invader Rowl. Well, good luck to you, and may the Armada prevail."

"_May your Invasions be complete,_" Invader Rowl added.

"And may you dominate the people with an iron fist."

"_For the goal of the Irken Empire._"

Invader Rowl nodded, and then the two Irkens saluted one another.

The transmission cut out, and Officer Paste leaned back in his chair. He hadn't had a proper send off like that in ages. The Invaders these days were much more rude than the seasoned veterans, and they often just ran off, overly eager to invade their planets. This Invader Rowl was a top notch figure.

He reminded Officer Paste of the good old days, when Operation Impending Doom was, without a doubt, the best plan ever to be concocted. Those days when Invader Zim roamed the halls, being a nuisance, but promoting the idea of Irken superiority to the people…

Invader Zim had saluted like that, too.

Officer Paste laughed at his foolishness.

Invader Zim was dead. Or soon to be, at least.

"Incoming dot on the radar, sir!" Penner exclaimed, and Officer Paste turned to the side, all thoughts of Invader Zim wiped from his mind.

"Jot…" Officer Paste said, and the other saluted, and went to check it out.

"It's another ship, sir…"

* * *

I leaned back in my chair as the stars flew by.

A smile of contentment grew on my face, and then, thinking about what had just happened, I laughed.

"What is it, Zim?"

I turned my head to the side, and saw Gaz's face peeking into the console. This new ship was so much faster than Tak's freighter, and we had downloaded Vierre into the mainframe so as to maintain our emotional connections with the ship that had carried us all the way towards the Armada.

"It's just…I never knew that the Irkens were so easily fooled. How did we manage to conquer nearly the entire galaxy with brains like that?"

Gaz shrugged. "They're just overconfident because of all of the victories they've been having. And they didn't expect to see you back there. GIR and I hacked into their computer, and it seems like they sent Tak after you. They appointed her an Invader and told her to go invade Earth. They said that she could have the planet if she managed to kill you…and I guess she's been trying to."

I shrugged. "It isn't as if she's going to. One Irken against three of us? And now that we have the robots…"

Gaz sat down in the chair next to me. "Why'd you do that, anyway?"

"What? Why did I do what?"

"You're always saying 'Zim has a reason!', so I thought you might, this once. Why did you only get two robots? You should have gotten a third."

"We…don't need a third," I said. "Dib doesn't need one, after all…"

"I knew it," Gaz said. "It's GIR. You're going to put him back together."

"That old thing!" I exclaimed. "Why would I put that hunk of metal back together? That would just be stupid. GIR is too dysfunctional to work anymore, Gaz. I can't fix him…and he's…no…no use to me."

"Aw, you're going to cry. Don't do that. I know you love that little guy."

I sat up, incensed. "I would never! Irkens do not possess the ability to cry. And I do _not_ love him."

Gaz smiled triumphantly, and I leaned back, unhappy that she had somehow read my true motives. Of course, I hadn't made them very hard to decipher. Why else would I have turned GIR off for so long? He had been about to fall apart, and this new metal was sure to piece him together perfectly. "I don't love him, per se. I just…look, you wouldn't understand. You're just a stupid sack of Earth meat. I, Zim, supreme Irken, tall as the Tallest, do not have to explain myself to you."

She said nothing.

She knew that she had won.

Just then, Dib appeared at the door, his eyes wide. His hands were up in the air.

"Have you guys _seen_ the size of the snack rooms in this place?

They're _huge_!!"

* * *

**A/N: This took me ages.  
And I'm only slightly sorry: I only delayed writing this chapter because it was so weird compared to the others, in terms of writing style.**

**But I think I did it good.**

**You'll note, most likely, the reappearance of several familiar characters. And also, an explanation as to why GIR was not included in the previous chapters.  
Now that they're on their way, will they beat Tak? We'll see.  
Will they take detours? Possibly. But probably not.**

**Now for acknowledgements.**

**Kazz: An excellent friend who flatters my ego with her incessant praise.  
Alice is still in Wonderland: Who makes up half of my (measly) six reviews.  
Redd Hedd: Not a woman. But still gave an excellent review.  
Invader Devi: Yay reviews, and sorry, but I'm not allowed to give spoilers. Plus it's more fun torturing you.**

**And lastly, but possibly not leastly (haha, I jest, I jest), PhantomInvader. For fixing my ghastly mistakes in the previous chapters.**

**Now, fellow Earth Meats, I demand reviews!**

**Until the next time I transmit,  
niveus incendia.**


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